On Her Flying Trapeze

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Changing the Weather

Hopefully then I’ll be able to shed a few layers.

I’m still taking some “help” for my post partum anxiety with Magoo. I can miss a dose and sometimes I’m fine. Sometimes the anxiety and panic attacks come back.

foggyMy doctor explained that the pills are like layers of clothing and my life situation is like the weather. When it’s cold outside, I need more layers but if it’s a nice day, I can shed a parka, sweater, fleece, halter top or whatever.

So, in an attempt to get myself to a place where I can start aggressively weaning from the stuff, I’ve decided to work on changing the weather.

1. My hormones and chemicals – um guess I’ll move on to number two. I think this area will remain frigid for a while to come. My body has to decide on this one and according to Dr McGenius, it may be a year or more.

2. Sleep – I will do more of it. This will be accomplished by going to bed earlier and telling Magoo to stop having a cold and waking up in the night repeatedly.

3. Christmas stuff – I will not be making Christmas cards by hand this year. Sadly, the cheap lightweight cards I got for a wickedly low price at Joanne Fabrics will probably be cuter than the ones I made last year.

I am pretty much done my Christmas shopping. I will not re-buy, even if I decide I don’t like the gifts I purchased the day after Thanksgiving. Sorry family and friends. You’re stuck with what I already got.

4. NANOWRIMO – She is no more. I will post later about all the wonderful fabulous things I learned from the experience but for now I will be writing more like 250 words per day, rather than 5000.

5. I will breathe and mediate and take one day at a time and stop blaming myself for all the crazy things that go wrong in my life and the insane things my kids do.

I will allow myself to “quit” things. I will allow myself to “fail” and I will move on. I will “be who I am because somebody has to and [I’m] the closest.” (from Jack Kent’s children’s book “Just Only John”)

Random side note. I am currently the number one hit for the msn search - mom abandon kids - and - my mother is selfish. Nice!

10 Comments:

Blogger Christa said...

I feel your pain. After I had my daughter, I swore I ws going nuts. I am very, very thankful that it only lasted the average of about a week, and wasn't prolonged. Contrary to what the great and mighty TOM CRUISE has said (yes, yes, he should bear a few children before talking about anything, anything AT ALL relating to childbearing...) PPD is a really serious thing. And you are smart to realize what you can do to help recover. You can't get these years back with your kids, and it would be shame to have few good memories because you were too busy doing meaningless (okay, well, less meaningful) than taking care of yourself. I have worked full time with both of my kids and I know how hard it is sometimes to just get up in the morning. How hard it is sometimes just feeling like you have to remember to breathe. You're doing the right thing... especially my Pastor's sermon from last week comes to mind- he's talking about the fruit of the Spirit, in particular the fruit of patience, and he used the illustration of a band playing in tune with each other. Basically, if one member is behind or ahead of the pace of the song, then the music is completely messed up. Of course, God being the conductor, if we try to "play too fast" or if we are lagging behind in the rhythm He has set for our life, it affects us adversly. Good thing I'm not a Preacha', eh? Well, you get my point, hopefully. We'll challenge NANO again next year, you and me....

11/27/2005 11:30 PM

 
Blogger blackbird said...

wow.
good luck with this stuff.
tall orders.
and just so's ya know, I'm always around...you know, if you want to, uh, take up drinking?

11/28/2005 2:37 AM

 
Blogger blackbird said...

which is not to say I don't take this seriously, cause I totally do.
my comment was really just a lame show of support.

11/28/2005 2:38 AM

 
Blogger Karen said...

I'm there with you.

11/28/2005 8:13 AM

 
Blogger Heather said...

I love you. I need your advice, too. Just for me.

11/28/2005 8:55 AM

 
Anonymous Mom said...

I'm glad you are going to keep breathing. "Breathing is good. Breathing is your friend."

Seriously K. You couldn't be more right in your approach. I am so proud of you and how well you are doing! You are the greatest... (always have been) and you'll even begin to feel that way again in time.

Just remember how often in the scriptures it says, "And it came to pass". It never ever says, "and it came to stay".

You'll get through this by continueing to do the right things - like keeping your priorities in line, not over-doing it, taking care of yourself and relying on those who love you. There are tons of us all praying for you to succeed and knowing that you will. It's a given. But in the meantime, keep breathing and praying. We will too. And we'll love you forever while we're at it!

11/28/2005 10:36 AM

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

Layers! I never thought of that.

I guess I am going to have to work on improving the weather as well.

NANMOWRIMO is definitely out for me.

11/28/2005 10:59 AM

 
Blogger bon said...

all this extra stuff will be there for us to do, once again, when our babies are older and require less constant... EVERYTHING.

this is my mantra, I repeat it to myself...lots.

11/28/2005 1:03 PM

 
Blogger Kelly said...

What is it that people say to make you feel better but actually makes you feel worse? Something like... "This too shall pass."
Well... I hope it does.
Kids are hard. Kids combined with hormones are harder.
At least you can find humor in it all!

11/28/2005 3:26 PM

 
Anonymous KJ said...

I love the layers analogy.
You can only do what you can do, after all.
Nanowrimo was clearly created by a single, fancy-free man. No one else would schedule it for November. Good idea, somewhat lacking in execution--and, at approximately 8.5K words, not happening for me, either.

11/28/2005 8:36 PM

 

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