On Her Flying Trapeze

Sunday, November 20, 2005

A Vision in Pink Footy Pajammas

pink footies


She emerged timidly from her room this morning, unsure of the reception she would receive. Her face just melts me.

Love, hugs and cuddling. A serious talk about what she did, why we were upset, what the consequences will be. She lays her head against my chest and I stroke her hair.

I cried for a long time last night when she was finally asleep. I wanted my mommy.

“They” say ‘you hurt the ones you love the most.’
I say ‘you are hurt the most by the ones you love.’

If I didn’t give everything, mind body and soul for these kids, it wouldn’t hurt so much when they gave me that mocking look, the look that says, “I don’t need you. I can do what I want. Shove it, mom!”

I question everything. Everything about being a mother makes me question myself, my preconceptions, my feelings, my treatment of the kids. Am I saying the right things, being too rough, too lenient? Will some flippant comment I make be the subject of therapy years from now? Or will it be something I didn’t say or do, but should have?

We’re making people here, folks. This is serious business.

The DYM ain’t laughin’ today. I’m not crying either, just thinking.

7 Comments:

Blogger mom on a wire said...

You're my girl, Daring One. You're doing a great job.

11/20/2005 5:18 PM

 
Blogger blackbird said...

I think you are doing well. It's all "seat of the pants" anyway.
No matter how much we plan and think and try...it is times like yesterday when one is forced to think quickly, act carefully, and guide them thoughtfully all while not collapsing into tears.
I am sorry to say, as the mom of a 20 year old, that my parenting, our parenting, continues.
Know this -- small children have small problems, you needn't make them bigger.

11/20/2005 5:38 PM

 
Blogger The Daring One said...

Thanks Karli. We shall converse.

Blackbird. I loved your comment. Weird that we can be serious all of a sudden. Thank you for the advice. I have taken it to heart.

11/20/2005 8:52 PM

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

Sometimes it's tough, eh?

Don't spend too much time worrying about "scarring" them.

My mom still worries that she didn't do a good enough job, but she was great!

The fact that you are concerned indicates you are trying your best, which is a lot more than some parents out there...

11/21/2005 8:29 AM

 
Blogger Karen said...

It's a hard job, this mothering thing. We do the best we can in each situation. Be kind to yourself. :)

11/21/2005 9:21 AM

 
Anonymous Brooke said...

It is interesting how sometimes the only ones who can make you stop crying are the ones who made you cry in the first place.
Don't be hard on yourself. You have wonderful kids who have wonderful parents.

11/21/2005 9:40 AM

 
Blogger Charity said...

There have been many nights in the last five years that I have called my mom crying. She calmly tries to settle me down, and explain that what I am doing is for the best and will make her understand right from wrong.

And of course she is right, just as you are, that we need to know our actions or lack of action molds the children into adults. It is the things will instill in them they help to dictate what kind of parent they will become.

In my opinion you are doing a good job, I mean I obviously don't know you, but from your posts I would say that the most important thing is you love your child enough to care what and who she will become, and that is important.

11/24/2005 4:33 AM

 

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