On Her Flying Trapeze

Friday, January 20, 2006

Chronicles of Hairnia

Enough of the serious stuff. Let's get down to what you really come here to read about - my hair.

Karen and my hair dresser and a bunch of other people have suggested using a blow dryer and round brush to transform the mullet-ness of the layers. I cackle.

Me wielding a round brush and blow dryer to shape my hair would be as effectual as someone handing me a sword and asking me to defend my family from the invading Visigoths. My hairs, like my family members, would all lie down in a pathetic, defeated lump. Dead. All dead. No life remaining.

However, thanks to the help of Karli (a real, outfit-wearing, hair-fixing, girl-type person), loads of styling 'product' and a lady I don't know who works at the local self-storage/shipping place, I think we have the mullet under control. It doesn't even look that bad.

Walking into her little store, I asked the lady, "You are a stranger so you don't have to be nice. Tell me honestly, does my hair look like a mullet to you?" She laughed and said, "No."

"Seriously," I said. "I know it's not a full-blown mullet, but don't you think it's a little bit over the edge towards the mullet side of the hair spectrum? I promise I won't get mad."

She examined my hair and concluded that all I needed to do was to curl it with a big-barreled curling iron. Sounded easy enough.

Karli was more ambitious. She came over with root lifter, spray gel, a round brush and blow dryer. When she was done, it looked pretty good.

I did not wash said hair for fully 48 hours, afraid that it would combust into an incendiary display of mulletude upon air-drying.

Yesterday morning I got brave and decided to try it myself, take an actual shower, and do a cross between Karli's wizardry and shop-lady's suggestion. I applied the product to my roots. I blew it dry with my head hanging upside down.

Then came the part where I was going to curl it. This was easier said than done since every piece of hair on my head is now a different length than the ones next to it.

Laylee: What are you doing?
Me: Curling my hair.
Laylee: Are you curling your hair?
Me: Yep. Not very well.
Laylee: You're curling your hair?
Me: Yep.
Laylee: You're not doing a very good job.
Me: Thanks.

But it ended up looking good and now I'm embarrassed to post the pictures because they don't look like a mullet at all.

The front view:

hair2


The back:

hair3


The side:

hair4


The highlights:

hair7


The good news for you mullet-hungry readers out there is that I will not be willing to spend 40 MINUTES EVERY DAY to achieve this look, so next time I get out of the shower and let it air dry, I will take a picture for you too.

After a windy trip to the park, the giant natural blow-dryer had transformed it a bit and I liked it even more. I'm now considering installing a wind-tunnel in the master bathroom.

hair9


If I pulled it up, I looked a bit like that weird hair lady from Cold Case (never seen the show due to irrational fear of weird hair).
cold hair2hair8
So what is my point exactly, besides none whatsoever?

There is a Mullet-O-Spectral Scale against which all hair can be judged. My hair cannot truly be defined as a mullet but it definitely falls closer to the Mullatial end of the spectrum than I am comfortable with. Here's a rough sketch of the scale as I see it:

Mullet Scale


I hope that clears things up for you. Basically, as my hair gets shorter or less uniform in length, I freak.

And, if all else fails, I wear a hat!


I promise never to post that many pictures of myself ever ever again.

37 Comments:

Blogger Daring Young Dad said...

You are cute. :)

1/20/2006 3:49 PM

 
Blogger Karen said...

Oh you are marvelous! Love love love love LOVE the hair!!!!!

1/20/2006 4:07 PM

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

Ooh hooh! SEXY LADY! Yow!

1/20/2006 4:41 PM

 
Blogger blackbird said...

WE ARE FREAKIN DYING OVER HEEYAH.
THE Mullet-O-Spectral Scale is KILLING us!

and, seriously, it looks okay --
especially wind blown.

1/20/2006 4:42 PM

 
Blogger Mel said...

I only come here for talk of hair. And mullets. Thank you for making all my dreams come true.

;)

1/20/2006 5:09 PM

 
Blogger mom on a wire said...

You are the most hilarious person I know. Your twinge must have been killing you after this post.

1/20/2006 5:24 PM

 
Anonymous Caryn said...

Your hair looks great! Very shiny. Like you, I'm not willing to spend much time on my hair either. That's why my hair is currently air drying, despite dire warnings from my salonist never, ever to do this because my hair would only look awful afterward. Oh, and I love the mullet scale. And I didn't mean you when I was writing about mullets scaring me! Really!

1/20/2006 5:37 PM

 
Blogger Shannon said...

THAT is some fine-lookin' hair. And it is not a mullet, my friend. I live in Oklahoma, World Capitol Of Mullets, and that is most certainly not a mullet.

1/20/2006 5:43 PM

 
Blogger jessica said...

Looks great, seriously! As someone who has lived through some really bad layers (and hates to spend any time "fixing" myself up), I have tips for you:

First, curling layers is not too hard if you watch how they're cut (I only thought of doing this myself during my second to last cut). For layers (at least the ones they've cut on my head) they gather all the hair at one length - out to the side or toward the top of your head, depending on how long the layers are going to be - and then they snip, thus your hair is the same length at that level (and easier to curl in one big clump) and hangs in layers when it fall naturally. This has saved me some serious, crimped-end, layer-curling nightmares!

And second, blow-drying with a round brush is now my best friend. As this is coming from a gal whose mother never wore make-up and thus was never schooled in the "womanly art" of primping, I feel I can say with some confidence that it's not that difficult (and with my thick hair, actually makes blow-drying considerably faster). Basically, you just rest your hair on top of the brush with the blow dryer pointed down at the hair (start with the blow dryer on low as you practice) and then move brush and blow dryer from root to tip together slowly. If you want a slight curl at the end, just "catch" the ends of your hair on the brush by rolling the hair around the brush a little instead of letting it slide off and hold the blow dryer at this spot for awhile (kind of an instant, less powerful curling iron - I find this produces the more subtle, "wind-blown" look right off the bat). And seriously, with practice, this way is so much easier and quicker than the curling iron. I use it everytime I blow dry. (I've found that a metal round brush with holes works the best for me, because it heats up and makes the process quicker - for those of us who hate to wait or have no time for ourselves :)

1/20/2006 6:03 PM

 
Anonymous mom said...

I like it lots (except for the fact that it takes so much time, effort and product to achieve, of course). But you, my friend look FINE! Also slender. Go you!

1/20/2006 6:04 PM

 
Anonymous Alissa said...

woot! yer hot.

1/20/2006 6:13 PM

 
Blogger Theresa said...

DYM, you are the riot! Your hair looks cute. I loved the Mullet-O-Spectral Scale!!! Seriously, my husband, Ross, was just part of a kid's Christmas Program at our church and as part of his costume he had this hideous mullet wig. It was blonde with brown streaks!!! Talk about shivering on the spine!!!! lol Your hair looks nothing like a mullet, trust me!!!

1/20/2006 6:38 PM

 
Blogger Cee said...

I think it is a great cut. You look fabulous.

I had my hair cut like that for a while. It did take a long time every morning, I found it was easier to just let it grow long again and straighten it every morning. When I want to get fancy I do curl it with a big barrel curling iron. And at times a hat does come in handy.

1/20/2006 8:04 PM

 
Blogger Wendy said...

I was very relieved to finally see the pictures - trust me the pictures that I had conjured in my mind of your "mullet" were not good!! Your haircut on the other hand is very cute!! I really like it - and don't you love it when the wind blown look is even better?? Makes life more bearable knowing that we can really live our lives - instead of hiding inside because of our fear that the big bad world will wreck all of our work ... anyway - I digress - great haircut and I love the "mullet scale" - too funny!!

1/20/2006 8:42 PM

 
Blogger halloweenlover said...

Love the hair! It looks great!

1/20/2006 9:11 PM

 
Blogger Katy said...

Yes, you had us all quite frightened with your written description, and now I for one am hugely relieved. Please post tons more beauty pics! And even more examples of bad hair on your Mullet-O-Spectral Scale! You should trademark that puppy, quick!
Katy www.fallible.com

1/20/2006 9:49 PM

 
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Great pics! You are hilarious. And very, very daring!

1/21/2006 8:04 AM

 
Blogger elliespen said...

As my little sisters would say, "Hot, hot!" (They are 16 and 12 and do a lot to make me feel good about myself, which is one of the reasons why I visit home so often.)

I'm really liking the hairstyles there, and I appreciate your Mullet-O-Spectral scale. I may have to print it out as a handy reference when I go to get my hair cut. I myself have been unfortunate enough to meet with a more-mullet-than-not cut when my regular hairstylist was gone having a baby (the nerve) and the substitute was, shall we say, less than competent. I had to go back a week later to get someone else to do damage control.

But with the Mullet-O-Spectral Scale, all you have to do is pull it out of the purse, point at Laylee's bob and say, "This is the range I want." How many bad hair days would vanish with this new tool? I might finally be able to conquer my hair! (Since I appear to fall much closer to you on the able-to-do-actual-stuff-to-my-hair scale than to Karli.)

And thanks for the general tips, Jessica. That is very helpful.

1/21/2006 10:09 AM

 
Blogger Regina Clare Jane said...

That is more like "The Rachel" haircut- certainly not a mullet. I always thought hobbits had mullets... I think you are too tall for a hobbit, hence, not a mullet.
Seriously, though- it looks wonderful. I love the way it falls so naturally around your face. You are very pretty!

1/21/2006 10:15 AM

 
Blogger RGLHM said...

I LOVE your hair!!!! I want it!!

1/21/2006 11:25 AM

 
Anonymous Lou said...

I had that hair once, except shorter. It was a royal PITA.

1/21/2006 1:41 PM

 
Blogger Queen Beth said...

Hilarious!!! I think your hair is fantastic! I love it. And I am with you in hair struggles. Karen tries to teach me great hair tricks and I can't repeat them at home. So I end up with lifeless, nasty hair. Let's start up a club! The Hair Challenged Club!

1/21/2006 1:51 PM

 
Blogger Susan said...

You are such a riot. The graph! So perfect.

1/21/2006 2:15 PM

 
Blogger Crazy and lovin' it said...

COOL DEW. Nice scale LOVED IT!!

1/21/2006 3:15 PM

 
Blogger Sugarmama said...

Your hair is SO not a mullet! I'm even imagining it flat with no product and no curling and it STILL doesn't look like a mullet! Put yourself farther down on the mullet scale, please!

1/21/2006 5:15 PM

 
Anonymous surcie said...

Obviously, you need to change the name of your blog to include the word BABE. Dude, the hair isn't mullet-like at all! If you could only see what I was imagining based on your descriptions. . .

Laylee is such a doll.

1/21/2006 5:26 PM

 
Blogger Lianne said...

That is one incredibly cute post.

1/21/2006 6:57 PM

 
Blogger Liz said...

This was awesome!

Stinking awesome!

I know I can face anything when my hair looks good.

And girl, you look great.

1/21/2006 7:26 PM

 
Blogger Aunt Murry said...

You crack me up. I saw the mullet of mullets today. I so wish I had a camera phonoe. Anyway you are no where near mulletdom.

1/22/2006 3:24 PM

 
Blogger Goslyn said...

Oh, too funny. But I must say, I am a bit discouraged to find that you think your hairstyle looks like a mullet. I read the first mullet post and had a definate picture in my head of what your hair looked like. What I did not picture was you having MY haircut.

I have a very similar style, and I must say, I don't think it looks mullet-ish at all!

The round brush is the key, though. I can do mine in about 8 minutes start to finsh. Just practice a little, you'll get it.

1/22/2006 6:29 PM

 
Blogger Daring Young Dad said...

Goslyn: I side with you on this. It in no way resembles a mullet to me, either! But it's not my blog... :)

1/22/2006 6:53 PM

 
Blogger Abby said...

Your mullett is superb! I had on just like that once. I could never get it quite right, so I cut it all off.
I now have a cut that my techie husband recreates for me every six weeks. (a little cheap/leap of faith on my part)
Maybe DYD needs to take a little off the back for you:)

1/22/2006 9:32 PM

 
Blogger Abby said...

Your mullett is superb! I had on just like that once. I could never get it quite right, so I cut it all off.
I now have a cut that my techie husband recreates for me every six weeks. (a little cheap/leap of faith on my part)
Maybe DYD needs to take a little off the back for you:)

1/22/2006 9:33 PM

 
Blogger Abby said...

sorry about the double:)

1/22/2006 9:33 PM

 
Blogger Heather said...

Don't know if you'll even get this comment since you are the comment guru since those blog awards. But you get better with every post. Long after my blog is in its grave... there'll be Daring Young Mom, and am I ever glad!

1/22/2006 10:53 PM

 
Anonymous krista said...

hey I'm a daring young mom! I think I need one of those hats!

I have a question though? Does the hat have anything on the back? Is your website address on the hat anywhere?

I checked it out on cafe press, but I couldn't see the back of the hat.

I don't like being a walking billboard you know (even if I like the product)? So I am just curious. If it's free of the web addy I am totally buying it!

1/25/2006 5:59 AM

 
Blogger The Daring One said...

Nope. No geeky web address on the back. I got the idea to make the "gear" partly because I was sick of wearing "Old Navy" tatooed accross my head. I hate paying for something so a company can use me as a human billboard.

AND, if you buy from me, I make one dollar in profit from the sale. Pretty Su-Weet!

1/25/2006 7:49 AM

 

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