Quick! I Need to Puree this Concrete Block!
No problem, you can borrow my Ultimate Chopper. You may also borrow it to make babyfood, but it just doesn't have the kahones to do spinach. Sorry.
This offer brought to you by late night feedings with Laylee, hours of infomercials, and a chef, yes, a chef - named Tony.
It was late. There was lactation, yawning, flickering blue light and a chef's hat. I distinctly remember the chef's hat. A small person was eating me and Dan sat stoically by my side.
The knives, the glorious knives.
Shining, chopping, slicing tomatoes, meat, steel pipes, sweater-vests, various pieces of metallic currency.
All for the low payment of $3.86 every fortnight for the next 13 years. The amazing deal that would only last for 10 more minutes. 9…..8……
I switched the channel.
Me: Those are lame.
Dan: (staring straight ahead) Yeah.
Me: But they make them look kind of great.
Me: So manipulative.
Dan: (casually) I have the 800-number memorized.
This started a chain of events, now beyond our control. Chef Tony knives and other kitchen apparati grace the kitchens of several family members and friends.
I can now puree a brick….but again, not so much with the spinach.