On Her Flying Trapeze

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Quick! I Need to Puree this Concrete Block!

No problem, you can borrow my Ultimate Chopper. You may also borrow it to make babyfood, but it just doesn't have the kahones to do spinach. Sorry.

cheftonyThis offer brought to you by late night feedings with Laylee, hours of infomercials, and a chef, yes, a chef - named Tony.

It was late. There was lactation, yawning, flickering blue light and a chef's hat. I distinctly remember the chef's hat. A small person was eating me and Dan sat stoically by my side.

The knives, the glorious knives.

Shining, chopping, slicing tomatoes, meat, steel pipes, sweater-vests, various pieces of metallic currency.

All for the low payment of $3.86 every fortnight for the next 13 years. The amazing deal that would only last for 10 more minutes. 9…..8……

I switched the channel.

Me: Those are lame.
Dan: (staring straight ahead) Yeah.
Me: But they make them look kind of great.
Dan: Yeah.
Me: So manipulative.
Dan: (casually) I have the 800-number memorized.

This started a chain of events, now beyond our control. Chef Tony knives and other kitchen apparati grace the kitchens of several family members and friends.

I can now puree a brick….but again, not so much with the spinach.

13 Comments:

Blogger Moonface said...

they make the product sound so essential, you've just got to pick up the phone, eh?

1/12/2006 6:21 PM

 
Anonymous Caryn said...

I always loved when they said you could cut a tin can as easily as a tomato. Truth is, tomatoes often aren't easy to cut; it's all that skin. The innards find a crack and squirt everywhere, and at the end you still have an inpenetrable piece of skin. Or maybe it's just my knives...

1/12/2006 6:28 PM

 
Blogger Regina Clare Jane said...

Wow- that guy is kinda scary looking! And he's got knives...

1/12/2006 6:39 PM

 
Anonymous Mom said...

Wow! Late night in-fomercials. Ya gotta love 'em.

1/12/2006 7:54 PM

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

You make me laugh, funny lady.

1/12/2006 8:15 PM

 
Blogger Shannon said...

*sigh* I have ancient knives that were cheap when I bought them 10 years ago. I'm jealous.

1/12/2006 8:15 PM

 
Blogger Liz said...

Yep. I'd be a qvc freak if I had a tv.

1/12/2006 9:26 PM

 
Blogger Katy said...

I am a qvc freak. I don't buy often (and I always regret it) but I am SO TEMPTED. They usually have me from "for the next three minutes." I have purchased truly horrible brooms this way. I had to throw them away! Have fun with your knives!

1/13/2006 6:07 AM

 
Blogger Queen Beth said...

I am such a sucker for infomericials! I will literally sit, mesmerized through the entire 30 minutes totally convinced of the products amazing powers! Fortunately for me, I'm cheap and I don't buy stuff impulsively.

But I've seen that one for the knives with Chef Tony. I wonder, do you think he's a real chef? Hmmmmmm.......

1/13/2006 7:01 AM

 
Blogger RGLHM said...

you and Dan are quite the team. So does any of it really work, do you own any of it or does your family & friends just do the owning?

1/13/2006 6:28 PM

 
Anonymous Lisa said...

As one of beneficiaries, I can vouch that the knives are EXCELLENT! Although I haven’t yet tried to puree a brick with one!
Daring Young Mom you are awesome!

1/14/2006 9:39 PM

 
Blogger Sarah Jane said...

"Yes, but can the knives REALLY cut through a shoe?"

Jerry Seinfeld did a funny bit once about infomercial knives. You should check it out, sounds a bit like your story.

1/17/2006 7:44 AM

 
Blogger Sarah Jane said...

"Yes, but can the knives REALLY cut through a shoe?"

Jerry Seinfeld did a funny bit once about infomercial knives. You should check it out, sounds a bit like your story.

1/17/2006 7:44 AM

 

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