To Live is to Learn is to Kill Your Fish
Things I've Learned Today:
1. When the sun is shining in The Seattle - in winter - after it's been raining for 30 days, you'd better run outside and enjoy it.
It ain't gonna last.
2. I was born to achieve grocery store parking spot super-stardom.
It is my DEN-SITY.
3. I believe in euthanasia for fish…..if Karli performs it.
Karli was over today when I noticed the mamma guppie all a-float. Her lifeless body was freaking me out so I asked Karli to flush it. She performed a tasteful funeral followed by the flushing.
I then surprised myself by begging her to flush the other one too. He's still alive but he just lost his true love, who was probably bearing his love-children, he hasn't eaten in days and I don't want to watch him suffer. (Besides, what if he dies when Karli isn't over? I am not strong enough to flush another one. I'm definitely not strong enough to save the corpse and take it in for a rebate. That is just too sick.)
Hennison will be sorely missed. Please keep Jack in your prayers. Karli refused to grant his pathetic plea for help.
4. It is patently hilarious when I hold my laptop over my head, whilst screaming like a girl, to keep fat-boy Magoo from smashing it to pieces.
5. If the power lines are on fire, call 9-1-1.
My first instinct was to call Dan and ask him who to call. His first instinct was to say, "Hang up now and dial 9-1-1." Their first instinct was to say that I had made the right decision, especially considering the power lines were running through a forest… next to a residential neighborhood.
6. Snow White's princess powers and identity crumble when the gown is in the wash.
My mom called today and said, "Hello Snow White."
Laylee hung her head and admitted sadly, "No. I'm just a girl." She was wearing a super-lame t-shirt and pants ensemble at the time. Preschoolers everywhere, ring out your derision.
By meal-time the Snow was back on and she remembered to thank the Giver of all good gifts in her dinner prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for our chili beans and table and paper towels and books and Daddy and Mommy and Magoo and a girl, um…. I mean SNOW WHITE, and our chili beans and mashed potatoes and white sauce and cheese. Jesus Christ Amen.