On Her Flying Trapeze

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Food helps You Grow and Gives You Energy

Unless you are a car or an imaginary sister friend named “The Other Snow White.” If you are a car, you can eat gas for energy but you will never grow any bigger. If you are an imaginary sister friend named “The Other Snow White” you will always stay too small to go on play dates and your job will be to stay home and keep the house safe from Monsters, except the nice monsters because they’re allowed to come in the house and stay in it if they WANT!

I just thought you’d like to know a little bit about how food works.

Food goes down and down and down your throat and then says “AAAHHHHH! I’m going down!” and then it turns into pee and comes out your BUM.

If I eat my food all gone, I will grow up into a Grammy.

If Laylee eats her food all gone, she will grow up into a Mom and a Kathryn.

If Magoo eats all his food all gone, he will grow up into a Laylee.

What will Daddy grow into? Apparently like the car and “The Other Snow White, and the Beast if he lets the last petal fall, he will be doomed to remain a Daddy for all time.

When I become a Grammy and Laylee becomes a Kathryn, she would like a new Mommy because she wants to always always have a Mommy. She is accepting applications. Only apply if you’re willing to stop eating so you will NEVER grow big like a Grammy.

I have explained that I will always always be her mom, even when I become a Grammy, but she wants a backup plan.

Side-note: If your Magoo bobs around like a human bobble-head while you're trying to feed him this morning and you accidentally jam a spoonful of YoBaby organic banana flavored whole milk yogurt into his right eye, it will not give him energy or increased growth potential. It will just make him turn red, smear the yogurt deeper into his eye socket and cry, hypothetically speaking.

22 Comments:

Blogger Jeana said...

The add-on in italics had me rolling. (Did you realize you posted this on twice? Not that it's not funny enough to be posted twice it TOTALLY IS.)

4/12/2006 10:04 AM

 
Blogger Cheerio's on my butt? said...

I like those theories! So if I quit eating then I won't grow old? What a great new diet plan! I wish I'd known this before! Curse you food!

4/12/2006 10:27 AM

 
Blogger Lei said...

So do not eat to stay thin AND young? Ingenius!

4/12/2006 11:50 AM

 
Blogger Eli's Mom said...

I love it!! I have a "Magoo" and he does smear his nourishment into his eye(s) from time to time. From one mom to another - your blog is great!!

4/12/2006 11:57 AM

 
Blogger Sridevi said...

Growing old is not a problem....when I was really small, somebody (not sure who it was) managed to convince me that it is only in recent years that life expectancy has decreased. In ancient times, people lived for really long time. But the space issue took care of itself, since people also became slightly smaller as they grew older....until, they became so small that they used to be put up on display cases, so that they could be taken care of, and wouldn't get crushed underfoot, a la "Honey I shrunk the Kids!".

Call me naive, if you like, but I did believe that theory...

4/12/2006 12:30 PM

 
Blogger Shalee said...

This is too hil.ar.i.ous!!!!

Thanks for the tips. Tell Laylee I would apply for the mom part, but I have to have chocolate fudge ice cream every now and then... If you think it would help my chances and change her mind about the not eating thing, she is more than welcomed to come along and get ice cream with me.

We could be the Shalee and Laylee team.

4/12/2006 12:49 PM

 
Blogger Mary said...

This theory is just plain genious. Would you mind asking Laylee about her theories of house cleaning for me? I could really use some help in that area. The clutter and mess seems to be multiplying exponentially.

4/12/2006 1:24 PM

 
Blogger Farm Wife said...

Oh My Goodness! I may just wet my pants before I stop laughing (why didn't anyone tell me this was a side effect of chldbirth?)!

I wonder which hurts worse, Yogurt in your eye or Baby Magic Sunblock? Hypothetically speaking of course.

4/12/2006 1:33 PM

 
Anonymous Heather from One Woman's World said...

MWAHAHAHAH! Will I ever stop laughing at the Laylee-logic? When will Bean start giving me like lessons in living?

4/12/2006 1:42 PM

 
Blogger Grammy said...

Wait! "Only apply if you're willing to stop eating so you will NEVER grow big like a Grammy."?????
I think I'm offended. I'll let you know for sure tomorrow, after I've given it some more thought.

4/12/2006 1:56 PM

 
Blogger EmmaSometimes said...

bobble head children in high chairs...oh, story of my pointy-spooned life! hehe.

4/12/2006 2:01 PM

 
Blogger Stephanie said...

What? Food in the eyes doesn't give super human strength?

4/12/2006 3:16 PM

 
Blogger Margaret said...

You gotta love the logic of a three-year-old! Wouldn't it be hysterical to know ALL their theories about things? And then I think - wait, they figured that out by watching this crazy world we live in?! :)

4/12/2006 3:25 PM

 
Blogger Angela said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4/12/2006 4:07 PM

 
Anonymous Heidi said...

(Urff.. Won't let me post. I'll try again in the hopes only one shows us.)

So when does Laylee's blog get launched? She could cover so many topics beyond nutrition. Tips from Laylee. Laylee's Wisdom Nuggets. (Nah, sounds too much like food.) How about Daily Laylee? Lovely Laylee: Fashionista.

4/12/2006 5:05 PM

 
Blogger Kara Elmore said...

Ok - you are TRULY hysterical! I am laughing my guts out at everything you've written! Gifted, gifted soul!

4/12/2006 7:34 PM

 
Blogger Susan said...

I love Magoo. Not that I don't love Laylee, too, but Magoo! With the YoBaby in his eye! And no energy or growth! I just love him.

4/12/2006 8:21 PM

 
Blogger No Cool Story said...

I'm laughing so hard, tears won't let me see the keyboard.
“AAAHHHHH! I’m going down!”

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

4/12/2006 8:22 PM

 
Blogger Lauren said...

I'm pretty sure I learned most of this in high school. She is a way smart little girl. I would like to apply for the job of mom forever just as soon as I can get myself to stop eating.

4/12/2006 8:45 PM

 
Blogger Odd Mix said...

Hypotheticaly speaking, of course. Not that that has ever happened to me either. ahem.

4/13/2006 7:30 AM

 
Blogger bon said...

The girls went to a neighbors while Dadguy and I hadda date... Birdie kept pulling out dressups and the neighbor would say...
"are you going to be a cheer leader when you grow up? a fireman" etc...
each time Birdie would look at her like she was crazy and say "No."
finally she told her
"I'm going to be a Mama when I grow up... and a pony."

4/13/2006 9:03 AM

 
Anonymous Shannon said...

Mmmmmmmmmmmm things to look forward too when my son turns 3 and his sentences start coming together....
Sooooo that is what goes on in their heads? I knew my little boy hated my cooking. He prolly thinks he will turn into something scary if he eats my food...haa haaa haaa. Your daughter sounds like a lot of fun! Never a dull moment!

4/13/2006 9:12 AM

 

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