Throw 'im in the Brig
That's one of my favorite expressions a pirate would use if he lived in my house.
Another is, of course, the old standby "in the drink."
Laylee drops her baby in the toilet. "Arg! She fell in the drink."
Magoo is ripping the tubes out of the Medela while I'm trying to pump. "Throw 'im in the brig!"
Seriously. I finally couldn't take it anymore so I stuck him in the pak 'n play where he could see me.....without leaving a path of destruction. I gave him a few toys. Laylee gave him a few hundred more, several directly on the noggin and he played happily in his padded cage until I was done.
But it started to give me ideas, ideas relating to the fact that I could get a lot of things done if I weren't constantly worrying that the flailing, spastic, melon-headed human vacuum cleaner was self-inflicting blunt head trauma whilst choking on very tiny baby dolls and very large pieces of lint.
Back in the 80's, weren't they called PLAY pens? Didn't parents use something very closely related to the pak 'n play to cage up their children for "play time"? Then I think it became somewhat taboo and somewhat associated with "doing time" so people stopped using them altogether. Now they're coming back as a "nap time" device but....iiiiiit might not have been good for me to witness the pak 'n play's diverse uses.
On the one hand - development of gross motor skills. On the other - a clean house AND a son who's still alive at the end of the process?
He looked happy. Didn't he look happy to you? I mean, he was licking the thing. That has to be some sort of a sign of affection.