Move over Montessori – You don’t stand a chance!

Some friends and I decided to start a home school preschool co-op for our 2-3 year olds. Today was the big first day. We settled on doing a song, a story, a craft and a snack – all based around a theme. Simple enough, right? Well my friend - let’s call her “Lucy” - was first. I was the designated helper today. This is a chronicle of what I witnessed (and some thoughts):
• She moved every piece of furniture in her family room so that the kids could sit on cushions in a big circle. (I may do something like this too)
• They sang a welcome song, a song about the days of the week and some other song I’m forgetting. (Well, her songs are more copious and more educational than mine were planning to be but she’s got to fill 2 hours, right?)
• They learned about squares, the number 1, the letter O, and the color orange. (No, she did not also teach them to write computer code in binary. However, I am planning to save the 1s and Os for that purpose when they come to my house next week.)

• She had the letters, numbers and shapes taped around the room for them to find. (Doable. I can draw. I can tape.)
• Then they hunted for other orange objects. (I eat meat but I’m not a big hunter….here’s where she starts to lose me.)

• They learned how to predict the weather and sang a song about it. (Don’t know the first thing about meteorology so we’ll probably have to skip this one. I left my Doppler radar in my “other” diaper bag.)
• She traced their bodies and then dipped their hands and feet in paint and helped them make prints on their life-sized drawings of themselves. (Paint, feet, hands, 2-year-olds, my carpet. AHHHHH!!!! Better enjoy it here kiddies. This is where the fun lives.)

• There was a bowl handy to wash their hands and feet as they finished (here’s where I “helped”).
•They took turns feeding "Dish" the Betta fish. (I'm sure Jack could out-chow Dish any day but I'm not sure I want to exploit his eating disorder.)
• They listened to their own hearts beating with a stethoscope and then pasted hearts to the chests of their paper clones. (Again with the science, nicely executed but probably still beyond my realm of imaginativeness.)
• They learned about tummies and then pasted ORANGE stomachs onto the giant paper dolls.
• They filled their tummies with a smorgasbord of snacks, including vegetables, fruits, crackers, yogurt, string cheese and ORANGE cheese cut into little LETTER Os. (Animal crackers and apple slices, anyone? I got me some cheerios too, out in the garage.)

• THEY WENT OUT BACK TO PLAY IN THE BOUNCY HOUSE!!!!!! (I’m sorry to yell, but that sentence calls for ALL CAPS. We have no yard which was a decision largely based on the fact that we have no bouncy house to go in it, so what’s the point……I mean really?)

• They read a story about feet (This I can do).

• We took a picture of their feet (This I did do).

• They played instruments. (I can hook them up with some sweet maracas, drums and a kid-friendly piano.)

• The children formed a focus group and decided that they will never be satisfied with their own pathetic moms ever again.

My conclusions based on this evidence are:
a) Lucy is a professional, using us as test specimens before starting her own multi-billion dollar preschool empire.
b) She decided to use a Shock and Awe offensive strategy to throw us off our guard so we would spend the next weeks scrambling around for ideas, with no leader and complete civil unrest….
c) She is the cutest person ever and I’m so glad we’re doing this little experiment together.

Don't forget tomorrow's tip - How do you get rid of telemarketers?